You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
He was a wise man who invented beer.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.