Your mother

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent, she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother is such a hussy, her understanding of fly-fishing involves a letter-carrier's trousers!

5. Your mother makes such a weak latté, she's easily confused with the help! 

6. Your mother is so hopelessly ordinary, if she were an automobile, she'd be a Honda Accord!

7. Your mother is so neurotic, she throws dinner parties for the voices in her head!

8. Your mother is so lacking in poise, she can't even play croquet in heels!

9. Your mother's hygiene is so dreadful, even the hounds refuse to nuzzle her groin!

10. Your mother is so bipolar, she can circumnavigate the earth without leaving her wheelchair!

11. Your mother is so nouveau riche, she cleans her fingernails with lottery tickets!

12. Your mother is such a philistine, she thinks The Thorn Birds is high tragedy!

13. Your mother's art collection is so passé, you'd think Kandinsky was the end all be all.

14. Your mother is so provincial, she prepares cheese fondue with domestic Swiss!

15. Your mother's face-lift is so taut, she gets lipstick on her earrings!

16. Your mother is so grossly obese, even her brawny attendant grunts when lifting her!

17. Your mother's retirement community is so gauche, even the palm trees are covered in plastic.

18. Your mother's cellulite dimples are so cavernous, she loses dollops of pâté in them.

19. Your mother's flatulence is so ferocious, she could power a luxury zeppelin! 

20. Your mother's investment portfolio is so bearish, even her tax shelters stink of grizzly dung!

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

Rated 3 out of 5 ( 6 Votes )